RyoBryo's Xanga

The Tripper: Reagan Smash...and Slash!

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 14:36:21 GMT

See Ronald Reagan. Dignified and composed. See him change from this…

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f297/RyoBryo/Random/RonaldReagan.jpg

…to this…

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f297/RyoBryo/Random/Thetripper.jpg

Oh yes! Reagan smash indeed!

See The Tripper - 4.20 – Before you smoke up! At one of these fine locations:

TEMPE, AZ - Valley Art
SANTA MONICA, CA - Mann Criterion 6
HOLLYWOOD, CA - Mann Chinese 6
SANTA CRUZ, CA - The Nickleodeon
WOFFORD HEIGHTS, CA - Reel Cinema
SAN DIEGO, CA - Horton Plaza
SAN MARCOS, CA - Edwards San Marcos Stadium 18
BERKELEY, CA - Shattuck Cinemas 10
BOISE, ID - Boise 21
WOODRIDGE, IL - Hollywood Blvd. Cinema
SAVOY, IL - Savoy 16
LAFAYETTE, IN - Eastside 10
LAYFETTE, LA - Grand 14
PORTLAND, ME - Nickelodeon
ANN ARBOR, MI - Quality 16
STERLING HTS, MI - Forum 30
HATTIESBURG, MS - Turtle Creek
WINSTON-SALEM, NC - Grand 18
BISMARK, ND - Grand 15
LAS VEGAS, NV - Boulder StationVillage Square
TIGARD, OR - Bridgeport Village
PORTLAND, OR - Broadway Metro 4, Lloyd Mall 8, Clinton St. Theatre
JOHNSON CITY, TN - Real to Reel Theater
KNOXVILLE, TN - Halls Cinema 7
GRAPEVINE, TX - Grapevine Mills 30
MESQUITE, TX - Mesquite 30
HOUSTON, TX - Gulf Pointe 30, Studio 30
SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Tower Theatre
AUBURN, WA - Auburn 17
REDMOND, WA - Bella Botega 11
RENTON, WA - East Valley 13
VANCOUVER, WA - City Center
SEATTLE, WA - Meridian Theatre

http://www.myspace.com/thetrippermovie

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0760187

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 23:37:47 GMT

SUPERNATURAL

Roaming the lush green farmland
Rolling thunderheads looming above
The sky in state of anger
Fighting lizards battle; infuriate
Offspring continuing death cycle
Cat skinned of all reason
The soul is cheap
Bargain rates at their lowest
A sweeping hero from a Western
Sadfully happy
See through the glasses of light
An angel descends
Everything is deemed dumb
El Topo digs through the barriers
Flamingos cluttering the front yard with banter
The cannibals will sweep them away
Holocaust cleansing the dirt
Murder screaming loud
Genocide of he who is mouthy
Druggy sluggy puggy fuggy juggy huggy
Raven screeches, piercing the night
Mist flowing over the bends
Road trip = WARNING!
Yellow = Caution when cautioned
Sight unseen when seen in the scene but never does
Freakazoid over every humanoid
Angerize me unto an action
For all those depressed Walmart shoppers...

PHILOSOPHY

I once had flashback to a lonely time
My inner cosmos devoured by black holes
A character in a Shakespearean tragedy
The people's joker with multicolored balloons
Life was dissected, joys and wonders stripped away
Omniscient wizard disenchanted by uncertain futures
Plataeus were caked with blood and snow
Takere Civilization seized all my intangibles
Leavers too small to save them and me
The quieter you become, the less you hear
A whining noise commandeered my voice
Blackened talons clawed out my heart
I prepped my comatose bed
Lustful vampires drained my essence
Cats attempted to screech and scratch me awake
But none could reach my dreary plain of isolation
Skin was tanned dark by the nagging sun
Hair burnt away, always reminding
Emotions were neutered
Leaving my conscious self speechless
Mockings of a sad clown didn't help
Laughing myself senseless and numb
A neverending betrayal
But the mind's doubtful smoke cleared
My soul not as black as one thought
Deceit not as rampant as one thought
Reformation of the pride to willfully exist
That past superstition revealed in virtuous light
Pillars are left cheering
As she reignited the supernova of love within me

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 21:47:04 GMT

I don't really feel like ranting and recalling past events, because right now I'm feeling a little lazy. Instead, I found this Dante's Inferno test. Oddly, it says I am very violent, which is rather odd, because I'm not really violent. But anyways, here are the results. I've also included the song lyrics to my song of the moment, which I might make a regular thing. Enjoy!

Vow

I can't use what I can't abuse
And I can't stop when it comes to you
You burned me out but I'm back at your door
Like Joan of Arc coming back for more

I nearly died
I nearly died
I nearly died

I came to cut you up
I came to knock you down
I came around to tear your little world apart

I came to shut you up
I came to drag you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
And break your soul apart

You burn and burn to get under my skin
You've gone too far, now I won't give in
You crucified me but I'm back in your bed
Like Jesus Christ coming back from the dead

I nearly died
I nearly died
I nearly died

I came to knock you up
I came to cut you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
I came to rip you up
I came to shut you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
And break your soul apart

I nearly died
I nearly died
I nearly died

I came to cut you up
I came to knock you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
I came to shut you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
Tear your little world apart
Tear your little world apart
And break your soul apart

I can't stop when it comes to you
I can't stop when it comes to you
When it comes to you
When it comes to you

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 05:51:09 GMT

Hey hey, it's update time! Woooo, extreme! Yeah, so anyways, some interesting things have happened over the past few days. I guess I'll start with today and kind of backtrack. I got 2 hours of sleep, always fun, because I didn't fall asleep until almost 9 this morning. My dad woke me up to tell me about the helicopter crash near-by, because I need to be woken to know about that. So I'm about to go back in my room and pass out when my sister calls from school. Her car won't start because her battery is dead. So I have to throw some clothes on and go with my dad to go help her. I looked like such a bum, my hair wasn't gelled and I've been letting my 5 o'clock shadow turn into a 72 hour shadow. So we got that whole thing fixed up and came home, allowing me to finish what I was doing before I left: Passing out.

Some hours pass, my dad wakes me up and says we are going somewhere. We ended up going to a circus. It actually wasn't bad. I felt bad for the animals, especially after seeing all those behind the scenes investigations of circus practices and training. However, there were clowns, and that was funny. We convinced my mom that they were all fired on the spot because they broke a radio. We said they were promising revenge at the next show. Seriously, why does anyone still bother to believe what Kyle and I say anymore, moreso for Kyle? First, we convinced Kelly that Esmel doesn't speak English and that he's too lazy to learn it. Kelly thought it was kind of a lie because Kyle and Esmel were laughing and everything, but I got Kelly to believe it again by giving her some truthful credible evidence. And then this thing with my mom. I just love how the two of us can tell a story and make it sound so true. It's a true gift to have, being able to bullshit and what not. There should be a superhero.

Is it a truth?

Is it a law?

Is it a commandment?

Hells no!

It's Captain Bullshit!

To air on Fox this fall after the Unfuckables, starring Dave Attell!!!

Anyways...

Hey, I'm actually writing a little bit everyday, which I've never been able to do. Yay, go me! I've been revising my novel, Basilisk II - Paranoia. I've even been reading too, a book I borrowed a couple years ago, called Monkey. It inspired the Dragonball series and it's goofy and funny as hell. A must read! I'm only on page 40 something of 300 something, but hey, if just that little was good, the rest must be platinum goodness chickababies!

I also watched a movie I downloaded. I have like 20 of them, but I've only watched a couple so far. And yet, I keep downloading them. But yeah, I watched
The Crow - Wicked Prayer. It actually wasn't that bad. David Boreanaz was awesome as the psycho villain. It was like watching Angelus, only this time time he got to drop some F-Bombs, fuckin hells yeah! But Edward Furlong as the Crow? Who the fuck came up with that shit idea?! I mean, don't get me wrong. He's a great actor and he was awesome in American History X. He even nails the emotional parts of the Crow. But he looks like a chick when he dons the Crow white make-up! That's not menacing at all. It explains why the goons don't really freak out when they first see him, like the Chinese western cop who was gradually dying on the inside from toxic waste poisoning. Seriously, they should have just cloned Boreanaz and made him BOTH the villain and hero, since he can pull both of them off with ease.

POR QUE!!!

Well, time to wrap up this xanga with the best news I have. So last Saturday I went to my friend Victoria's house to celebrate her b-day. We went to the Field Museum and goofed around, nothing insane. As it neared time to leave, we notice they're setting up a banquet of sorts in the main hall. All of a sudden, my friend says he spotted a certain comedic actor. He runs off and comes back, saying he shook his hand and what not, but the actor was not doing pictures or autographs. So we start looking around for him and end up back in the main hall. I'm standing across from my friends just glancing around and turn around just in time to see this actor several feet away from me. Who was this actor you ask?

Vince Vaughn...and yes, this fucker is tall as hell!

He walks right past me and my friends start freaking out, so we follow him upstairs and into a gem exhibit. I wait outside knowing that he is about to come back out, and sure enough, he walks past me again. My friends end up stalking, um er, following him and shaking hands with him. I decided not to shake his hand, since I could tell he didn't really want to be bothered. He even told my one friend who spotted him earlier that he just wanted a peaceful day. Plus I guess they were going to shoot a banquet hall scene for that new comedy he's doing with Jennifer Anniston.

So that's all I have for now, and I'll end this the way I've been ending talks with alot of people...

VINCE VAUGHN!!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 07:52:09 GMT

Well, I actually did some productive things today, yay!!!

First, my interesting day. I went to the dentist and found out I need all my wisdom teeth pulled out, so I have to go to an oral surgeon.

(Peter Griffin laugh)

Oral.

Anywho, I hope to have the surgery done before school, because I'm going to be hocked up on Vicodin or some kind of pain killers. I'm going to be all loopy and shit. It's going to be extreme.

Z-XTREME!!!

So yeah, I actually sat down and sent in some manuscripts today. It's about damn time! The Writer's Market book came in handy after all. And for a second there, I thought I had wasted $30. I sent in Overcome and Dirty Frank, two of my best works, so I'm excited and anxious about the replies.

I saw War of the Worlds yesterday, and I must say that it was very kick ass and emotional. Except for the ending. Don't get me wrong, it made sense and everything. And I don't really see another way they could have done that ending expository, or maybe I can? Whatever, point is, the whole movie kicked major ass while the last 30 seconds were a little out of place. Maybe they should have stuck to the original ending which had the aliens die from the common cold.

"Oh no, the aliens are taking over!! What should we do?"

"I'm about to sneeze!"

"Dammit man, this is no time to sneeze! You're about to die! Have a quickie sex session or smoke a blunt, not just sneeze!"

ACHOO!!!

(Alien ships begin falling out of the sky like flies)

"Gasp, sweet Odin's raven! The aliens died when you sneezed! Quick Mr. President, unleash the Kraken! And after we kill it off in the name of Zeus, we will unleash the pepper bombs and feather bombs. It will be a mass sneezeacide on the enemy alien force!"

ATTACK IN THE NAME OF ACHOOACHOOACHOOACHOOACHOOACHOO!!!

But even this amazing plot line cannot compare to the Great Spill of July 18, 2005. It was on this tragic day that my King size cup of Dr. Pepper, newly refilled for free to the top, was tipped and spilt all over the car carpet and my feet. But we must stand united and strong through all this pain and devastation. And now to lead us in a prayer service, is none other than Latoyah Jackson.

Um, rub-a-dub-dub! Thanks for the grub! YAY GOD!!!

ACHOO!

SHE'S DEAD!

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 18:51:38 GMT

Hey everybody, I might update this damned thing on a regular basis. I guess that's good. So, yesterday one of my best buds came back from his trip from Florida, which is good becuase the musical is over and I need to catch up with my friends who weren't involved in it. I actually woke up early to go with him to get a new hard drive for his PC because it broke.

After we went to some computer store in Orland, we went to the penis store.....um, er, I mean Dick's Sports. And let me tell you, Dick's has all kinds of balls.
Big balls, small balls, broken ball(just one), fuzzy green balls, multicolored balls, hard balls, soft balls, bouncy balls, an amazing array and multitude of balls!

Ok, now that that goofy joke is outta the way...

We ended up back at Ram's house. Eventually, Laz and Esmel came over. It was awesome catching up with Esmel because the Emperor was on a month long Emperor's celebration for most of June, so it's been awhile. We just did the usual goofy crap while at Ram's. Esmel made us watch Stella, which has to be one of the goofiest shows I have seen in awhile. Makes no sense whatsoever, but it's funny as hell!

And after reading a post on xanga by someone else, I've realized something. While I'm not miserable, I do tend to lose motivation and grow kinda blah every now and then, especially if there is really nothing to do. I think this is becuase I haven't been able to write anything at all since last February, and anything decent since January. I hate it, and I'm having difficulty just getting myself to think about my stories and to get motivated to write. I have ideas, lots of ideas, and lots of incompleted stories, I just can't get back into the whole thing. And the few times I do sit down and try to write, I end up doing a few lines and just quit.

But anyways...

I'm off to get ready and then I'm heading to Ram's for some swimming and the usual random goofiness. And then after that, I'm having a movie night at my house with some friends, including a certain interest of mine...

Only thing is, I don't think it's going to happen and if it does, it's going to end in a way I don't want it to. Vibes are strong today folks, so I better prep for the worse tonight.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 06:49:36 GMT

Holy shit, I'm updating. Is it true? Yes, tis is. Wow. Where in the flipping hell do I start? You guys missed everything. Seriously, I always felt like I had nothing to say on this damned thing, and over the past couple of months, tons of shit has happened and I haven't had time to update. Really, I don't know where to start. Well, I guess I'll start with the biggest story and work down from that, since everything is interconnected with the bigger tale.

So, I made a good role in the Gumball Players musical, Anything Goes, which we held at Argo. Closing night was last Saturday. Practices were brutal, especially when it came to the dances, but it all came together beautifully in the end. We had 3 shows, all of which rocked, especially the last two. I was the Purser, a cruise ship cop in a sense. I got to lock up some crazy Chinese bastards and chase around a guy posing as public enemy number one. It was fun to do, hoorah! One of those Chinese fools was my brother, who for his first show did an awesome job. Surprisingly, I was nervous opening night, probably because this was the most lines I've ever had. Plus I'm crossing the stage during most of the show, which means I had to get alot of cue lines down and memorized on top of my own lines. But it all paid off in the end so I'm happy.

There was also another character, the Captain, or as the Spanish and I call him, EL CAPITAIN!!! By opening night, our two characters were like a crazy bitchy duo. He was always trying to keep me, the Purser, from having fun. But as Peter Griffin says, "COME ON!" And he would fire me at the end of every show, and I would say yeah, well I'm still showing up for the next show. Except for the last show. I made sure to quit before he could fire me. Ha ha, in yo face El Capitain!

Ha, and the last night of the show, a few scenes before the end, I told B, the director, that some people wanted me to do the WCOL (if you don't know ask) and he said once the show was over and everyone was gone, in a joking but meaning it way. So once the show was done and everyone was changed and in the traditional closing night circle, he says I can do the voice. I'm like huh, what voice? And he says the wookie voice. So I throw my arms up in the air and start crying it out. And while in the voice, I said, "We had a good show tonight!" Everyone started laughing their asses off! Then Luke, one of the set guys, was forced to do it as well. After he did, he and I started talking in the voice back and forth. It sounded like we were giving off mating calls. So I started humping the air and smacking some booty. Damn, good times! Then the cast party took place, and we stayed until 4am, even though we had to get up early and get ready for the Sox game, but Kyle and I didn't care, haha. Kyle started ripping on Marty again with his nonsenseical ferrets and Navy one man shows and shit. And some people thought I was drunk because I was laughing my balls off and yelling and getting all crazy and Irish about it. And I told them all I had was a couple cups of cola. Later on, I had to finish a couple beers off for a friend so that she could drive. This kinda pissed someone off, but whatevers, it was fucking fun as hell. And to think that I wasn't going to try out for theatre again next year. If I do happen to have my shit together by then and my future set in a half assed sense (better than what it is right now) then I will. If not, then I won't allow myself to try out. And what are these fears of the future? Well, I'll save those for another time boys and ghouls.

Anyways, I think that's all I can scrounge up for today. There's plenty more where that came from, and I'll get around to it in good time.

So my summer is going great. How about everyone else? Leave some love chickababies!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Thu, 26 May 2005 05:30:04 GMT

Hey hey, long time no update! Shame on me! I have many a thing to speak of and fill people in on, but not tonight. Instead, I've chosen to fill in this survey thingamabobber. So until I regain the need to rant, enjoy this:

Name: Ryan McLaughlin
B-day: October 28, 1985
Current Location: My cozy room
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Brown, darker with gel though
Height: 6'2
Righthanded or lefthanded: Righty
Heritage: Majority Irish, and the rest German, Norwegian, and Danish
The shoes you wore today: Old Nike shoes that I must replace
Your Weaknesses: False Hope, which I've all but rid myself of. Yay!
Your Fears: Meaningless life, never getting anywhere in my life, never being allowed to unleash my true creative potential becuase of a shitty society.
Your perfect pizza: Meat lovers....mmm, clogged arteries...
Goal you would like to achieve this year: Get anything published!!!
Most overused phrase on instant message: lol
Thoughts first waking up: Whatever I was dreaming about, which range from disappointed from learning it's just a dream to a sick sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach from dreams torturing me over what I did or never had in life.
Your best physical feature: Hmm...nah, I probably shouldn't. If you know me that well then you know.
Your bedtime: On average, 5am.
Your most missed memory: Any moment where I was full of happiness....so two specific memories come to mind.
Pepsi or Coke: Screw that! Mr. Pibb Xtra all the way!
McDonalds or Burger King: Screw that! Palermo's Pizza!
Single: Yep and taking the time to think shit out since no one's interested.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: MR. PIBB XTRA DAMN YOU!!!
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
Cappucino or Coffee: They both smell equally good.
Do you smoke: Ha ha, hells no! And contrary to belief, smoking can cause cancer. It's not just genetic. Both my grandmas came down with it due to smoking, and only one survived. So you can see why I get real pissed off and ranty if I ever hear someone say that.
Do you swear: No...asscockfuckersonofabitchcameltoedickpussysnatchcuntbitchdickanalballs...of course not!
Do you sing: You know it baby and quite well. Had a solo last summer for Joseph.
Do you shower daily: Yep
Have you been in love: Thought I was, turned out to be bullshit, doubt I ever will be again because I'm not meant to be.
Do you want to go to college: Already am, but would rather roadtrip to Hollywood and pitch my ideas.
Do you want to get married: See "have you been in love" answer.
Do you believe in yourself: Yes and no.
Do you get motion sickness: When I was a kid, but not really anymore.
Do you think you are attractive: I guess judging from reactions I've gotten at times, but like I said above, nothing will come of it.
Are you a health freak: I have my concerns, but can't say I'm a freak about it.
Do you get along with your parents: Can't complain
Do you like thunderstorms: They are fun to watch.
Do you play an instrument: Nope, I just have my voice
In the past month have you drank alcohol: Nope.
In the past month have you smoked: Not a big enough dumbass to do so.
In the past month have you been on drugs: See my blog entry for April 16 on my philosophy about that stupid shit.
In the past month have you gone to a mall: I think so...I don't memmer.
In the past month have you gone on a date: Someone tried to hook me up with someone, but yeah, I got out of that disaster before it started.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nopers. Though I did eat half a bag of Doritos. Those are tasty indeedy.
In the past month have you eaten sushi: Nopers.
In the past month have you been on stage: I was just on one today!
In the past month have you been dumped: Nopers
In the past month have you gone skinny dipping: Not warm enough. Plus, as much as I would like to, I just cannot.
In the past month have you stolen anything: Technically, everyone in the US and Taker civilizations everywhere have stolen from nature. Personally though, I haven't.
Ever been drunk: Just ask my friends about the stories.
Ever been called a tease: Not to my knowledge
Ever been beaten up: I'm a lover not a fighter. And plus, there's always the .12 gauge (had to throw that inside joke in there)
Ever shoplifted: Nopers.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Writer, actor, director, anything else creative and that I am good at.
What country would you most like to visit: Ireland aka the Motherland.
What do you look for in a women: Anyone who isn't psycho
Number of CDs I own: Good lawdy, I'm not counting those up!
Number of piercings and tattoos: None on both fronts
Number of things in my past I regret: Too fucking much...that is until it all leads to a cosmic alignment and reveals my life destiny....so yeah, too fucking much it is then.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Thu, 05 May 2005 02:29:39 GMT

Oh my God I am in such a kick ass mood right now! The complete opposite from the below post! I don't feel like typing a whole lot, so I'll just say again that I am ready to kick the ass of whatever! That's how ramped up I am right now. And no, oddly, I didn't cry when I went to watch the Passion, I just got tired and went to bed.

Hmm, since I don't have much else to post about, I'll just end it with something that I wrote. Laterz!

Song of I (inspired by Walt Whitman)

I am me, I am myself, I am just one.

I am just an individual, a lone soul

With my own feelings, my own memories.

Whether they are about lazy summer days,

Or the happiness felt from my first kiss,

Or the painful sadness of losing a loved one.

My thoughts and ideas are mine and only mine,

Created within the confines of my mind

To float and drift, hoping one day to be set free.

I tread in worlds that no one is capable of seeing other than myself.

Worlds of majestic beauty,

Or worlds of death and destruction.

Yet in the end, we are the same.

We are souls trying to enrich ourselves with the experience of life.

We all take different paths in our lives,

But end up at the same fork in the road.

We either go to Hell,

Or we go to Heaven.

It all depends upon what we filled our souls with,

Whether it be the essence of good, or bad.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Tue, 03 May 2005 04:21:26 GMT

Wow. I never thought I would say this, but I don't think time helps. Seriously, my mind is doing a real fuck job on my thoughts. It's getting bad. Really bad. I had a dream about the you know who this morning. It fucking sucked so much. I think it's becuase last year around this time, I had what I can only say was the best day of my life. This was during the time when I was flirting with someone and I was in the musical. Damn, those were great times.

And then when I compare then to now, I fucking hate it. I see that I'm not having the time of my life like I was last year, and I fucking hate it. Then I start thinking about the you know who and how prom is coming up for them and I just fucking hate it. They're having a great time! Everyone is having a great time! It fucking sucks! People tell you to move on, but you have to have something to move on to, and I have nothing! Nothing that's going to overcome everything else that was good in the past and make me look forward to the future. I just keep looking to the past and comparing it to now, and I fucking hate where I am!

I FUCKING HATE IT!!!!!!!

And I know there are things to look forward to in the summer. The musical, possible job, massive room project, major writing time. But I guess it's just not enough for me. And then I have to keep thinking of you know who having a better time than me. God, the thought of her being alone and miserable used to make me feel better, making it feel that I left an impact. But I know I didn't. Who the fuck am I joking with? You know who moved on in a week and what do I do? Leave my phone number on someone's desk 2 months later and get shot down. Who the fuck wouldn't forget me?

I'm fucking forgetable...

Don't worry or feel bad, you'll find someone else my fucking ass!!!!!

Don't worry. You'll find someone else right away. I just don't want you to feel hurt. Well guess what? I am fucking hurt! And I thought time would help and for a time it did but now it's worse than ever. And every time I think of you I just want to fucking kill you!

I just need something big, grandiose, exciting, and amazing to happen in my life so I can finally move on. So I can finally move on with what I was meant to do in this world. I just fucking hate it all! I have so much I want to do, so much I am amazing at, and I'm being held back in this fucking hell that I can't escape! And I don't mean my home or family, becuase they're awesome. I mean where I am personally and where I want to be. I just thought I would be farther than where I am right now, but I'm not where I thought I would be and I fucking hate it!

Life is too short to have all these fucking constraints! I just want to break free from all the shit and get a book published and make movies and act and do what I've always dreamt of doing. I'm tired of worrying about what has happened in the past and getting pissed off over shit that I'll never learn the answers to. I'm tired of liars and deceivers and manipulators and fucking everything! And then those people thinking they were in the right and I was in the wrong?

It's fucking ridiculous!!!

I get my heart fucking torn out of my chest and devoured before my very eyes and I turn out to be the prick! That doesn't make any fucking sense! God one of these days I'm going to tell some certain people the truth about it all and then they will be the ones who have some fucking explaining and justifying to do!

(sighs, takes deep breath)

I just need something great to happen. I need my big break. And that's what this summer is for. I don't care what it fucking takes. I'm making everything happen this summer.

This summer, I'm taking control of it all and telling everyone else to fuck off!

As for tonight, I'm going to go watch the Passion and get some much needed crying out of me, so I don't fucking break down or feel like breaking down at the wrong moment.